Fearless Negotiating Blog by Michael Donaldson

Understanding Cultural Differences in Negotiations

Michael Donaldson — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 20:17:49 +0000

Most people look at a different way of doing things as just plain wrong. On a charitable day, they may modify their evaluation of the different way to weird. But that’s about as good as it gets. If you have that reaction when you sit down to negotiate, you are doomed before you ever get started.

Before you ever sit down to negotiate with someone from another culture, consider the specific areas in which you two may differ in your approach to the negotiation. Use these differences to challenge your own assumptions about the “right” way of doing things and a chance to learn new ways to solve problems.

Consider the areas where your way might be different from the person across the table:

ü Time – Americans are in a hurry. They want to get everything done quickly. Almost all other cultures take more time to get to the close. Be prepared for this difference.

ü Conflict – Some cultures (China, for instance) are very uncomfortable with direct confrontations, which can be absolutely devastating to a negotiation between, say, someone from America and someone from China.

ü Body Language – This is wildly different around the world. Study up on how people in the other culture uses gestures so you don’t inadvertently insult the person you are negotiating with.

These are few areas of culture difference and there are many more. The more that you learn about the person you are negotiating with, especially if they are culturally different from yourself the more successful you will be.

Happy Negotiating,

Michael

For additional negotiating resources, please visit www.fearlessnegotiating.com

Dealing With Shady Characters in Negotiations

Michael Donaldson — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 19:48:03 +0000

Although hardly anyone states it so bluntly, one thing your want to know about the other party in a negotiation is whether you can trust the information that person gives you. What is the person’s reputation for honesty and accuracy? If you are trying to negotiate efficiently, you must find out the general trustworthiness of the assertions from the other side.

Sometimes you hear that someone is not dishonest, just ignorant, inefficient, or inexperienced. These qualities may sound better than dishonesty, but they have the same consequence to you. As a negotiator, you can’t afford to blindly accept anything that such a person says to you.

The best advice I can offer is not to do business with a person you don’t trust. No lawyer in the world can protect you from someone determined to do you in, cheat you, or steal from you. No cop or security system in the world can protect your house from a sufficiently determined thief.

If your inner voice tells you that you don’t want to make a deal, stop the negotiation. Relax. Examine that message. Either your subconscious will send you a more detailed message, or your conscious mind will work it out logically.

Heed any strong messages that a given course of action is wise or unwise. Mold your conduct to that message. You don’t have to stand up in the middle of a meeting and announce to the assembly that your inner voice is telling you that the discussions are over. In fact, you may decide to keep the source of your decision to yourself. You should heed the message and begin to concentrate on closing the discussion. Wrap up the deal. Use the message without necessarily announcing it to the room.

Happy Negotiating,

Michael

For additional negotiating resources, please visit www.fearlessnegotiating.com

Win-Win Negotiations

Michael Donaldson — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 01:02:42 +0000

Finding a win-win solution, a deal in which both sides are satisfied, is difficult if you don’t even know when your own team is winning. You can’t believe how many people can’t tell the difference between a good deal and a bad deal. That situation should never be the case if you use this method of evaluating your negotiations. Usually, I hear the lament about a deal long past. When I hear someone complain about a deal he or she made, I am immediately curious. I ask and explore. More often than not, the speaker either forgot why the deal was made in the first place, or the other party breached the agreement.

ü A good deal is one that is fair under all circumstances at the time the agreement is made. It provides for various contingencies before problems arise. A good deal is workable in the real world. What is and isn’t fair is very subjective. The parties must decide for themselves whether an agreement is fair based on their own criteria. Make sure that everyone is in agreement. Draw the other side out on this basic point before closing the deal. You don’t want to sign a deal with someone who is harboring resentments over some aspect of the agreement. Be sure that the other side agrees that the deal is a good one.

ü A bad deal is not fair under all the circumstances. It allows foreseeable events to create problems in the relationship after the deal is struck. Some aspect of the agreement looks great on paper but simply doesn’t work out in the real world – for reasons that were predictable during the deal-making process.

Each party should assess whether the deal is good or bad. You determine whether a deal is good or bad for you; the other party determines whether that same deal is good or bad for him or her.

Happy Negotiating,

Michael

For additional negotiating resources, please visit www.fearlessnegotiating.com

Great Negotiators are Great Communicators

Michael Donaldson — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 18:53:39 +0000

Nobody wants to be a bad communicator. Most people are insulted if someone tells them they are difficult to understand. At the beginning of my seminars, I discuss the basic skills needed in every negotiation. Then I ask students to rate themselves on these skills. I have never had anyone in any seminar rate themselves on these skills. I have never had anyone in any seminar describe himself or herself as a poor communicator – even those who say that communication is the area that they need to work on the most.

When the other party is not being clear, your job is to steer that person toward concise communication. Coax from your counterpart a clear statement of intentions, wants and needs. Your technique for acquiring this information depends on the type of person you are dealing with. Here are a few techniques that will help you effectively communicate with challenging people:

ü Listen up to a point. You are listening especially for a good point to break into their discourse so you can bring them back to the topic.

ü Be assertive when you interrupt. Not impolite, but firm.

ü Your first statement should be a validation, “Yes, you’re right. Now, as to the purpose…” That’s how you get people with this type of communication pattern on track.

ü Concentrate and stay focused. This is hard work.

ü Be appropriate but keep pressing with your own specific questions.

Happy Negotiating,

Michael

For additional negotiating resources, please visit www.fearlessnegotiating.com

The Best Way to Start a Negotiation Meeting

Michael Donaldson — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 18:17:37 +0000

One of the best ways you can begin a meeting is with great body language. Let your enthusiasm and energy show. Stick out your hand. Meet the other person’s eyes and give a good, firm handshake. If you don’t own a good handshake, develop one now. This skill is not difficult, but many people don’t shake hands well. Let the flesh between your thumb and forefinger meet the other person’s flesh between the thumb and forefinger. Press – do not squeeze – the hand. One pump accompanied by eye contact is plenty. One or two more may express great enthusiasm; any more than that can make the person uncomfortable.

Today, the landscape for making the first contact has broadened. For instance, women greeting women in America can touch both hands at the same time as an alternative to a handshake. A hug, even in a business meeting, is appropriate if the relationship between two people warrants this familiarity. Increasingly (especially in Hollywood), hugs between men and women, or two men or two women who know each other, are common. A classic male show of power is to shake hands in the normal fashion and reach with the left hand to also grip the man’s elbow. Watch old tapes of President Clinton who routinely used this two-handed greeting when he was president.

Starting a negotiating meeting with confidence is essential to an optimal negotiating outcome and to getting what you want. Be sure to greet the person with enthusiasm and confidence. Having a good handshake, enthusiasm and great energy will help get the negotiation off to a good start.

Happy Negotiating,

Michael

For additional negotiating resources, visit www.fearlessnegotiating.com

Negotiating Successfully With Difficult People

Michael Donaldson — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 23:18:30 +0000

You are in the room and everything is going great and then the other guy blows up or bullies or pulls some dirty trick. Here is a tool that always works to neutralize a toxic situation.

Imagine yourself in a closed-door negotiation with a counterpart who yells, curses, lies or bullies. If only you could think of the perfect retort, but that only happens in the movies. Instead you feel mistreated and lousy. Forget about the withering response. Instead, hit the ALT button.

#1 – Ask questions.

#2 – Listen carefully.

#3 – Take a break.

Asking questions gives you something to say without escalating things. Employ simple, straightforward questions that don’t challenge or insult your counterpart, such as, “I’m so sorry. What specifically did I say that upset you?” “What did you hear?”

When you ask questions, you learn something, so listen carefully. Do not interrupt. Do not correct the person. Ask a follow-up question, if needed.

And then, Take a break. Push Pause. Reset. Allow the bad energy to dissipate, before your return to the deal.

Remember, when a bully, screamer or liar, gets in your face: hit the ALT button.

Ask questions

Listen carefully to the answers

Take a break

Happy Negotiating,

Michael

Gathering Information: The One With the Most Knowledge Wins

Michael Donaldson — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 17:13:28 +0000

Some people think that power comes from size, gruffness, or clout, but the easiest and most effective single thing you can do to increase your power is to prepare. You may be facing the greatest negotiator in the world, but if you’re prepared, and the greatest negotiator isn’t, you have the upper hand.

Yet people routinely shortchange themselves when it comes to preparation. Even experienced negotiators often sacrifice solid preparation on the altar of self-confidence or a crushing time schedule. Some negotiators don’t fully appreciate the value of spending the extra time and effort on thorough preparation. To others, preparing just feels like drudge work.

Preparation doesn’t have to be dull. Preparing for a negotiation can trigger the same type of excitement that a basketball or football team has when preparing for their next opponent. They are sizing up the opponents best players, trick plays, and weaknesses against their own. It can be exciting. Look at preparing for your next negotiation like preparing for the World Series or the Super Bowl. The exhilaration and sense of accomplishment felt after a successful negotiation can feel just as good as winning the big game!!

Happy Negotiating,

Michael

Don’t forget to check out www.fearlessnegotiating.com for additional negotiating resources.

Preparing is Essential Even if it’s Someone You Know

Michael Donaldson — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 18:36:56 +0000

When it comes to gathering information about the other party, every day is different. Don’t assume that you can begin any negotiation without special preparation, no matter how well you know the person. When a seasoned purchasing agent sees a regular salesperson, the purchasing agent often opens the conversation by saying, “What’s going on with you these days?” Pleasantry or preparation?

A neighbor who’s about to ask you to stop parking in front of her house begins by saying, “Hi. How is the family doing today? Pleasantry or preparation?

Even if such questions have been a pleasantry for you in the past, start making them part of your preparation and treating the person according to the answer. I have actually put off a negotiation if the person sounded stressed out or confessed to being under a deadline. It’s good manners. It’s good negotiating.

Happy Negotiating,

Michael

Don’t forget to check out www.fearlessnegotiating.com for additional negotiating resources.

Recognizing Faults Can Trip You Up

Michael Donaldson — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 16:48:42 +0000

People use three statements when a negotiation goes badly because they failed to find out something negative about the person whom they negotiated with.

ü “Nobody told me!”

ü “Who knew?”

ü “I wish I would have known!”

Never say those words again. When you use these phrases, you’re missing a good opportunity to learn an important lesson: Get to know the person you’re negotiating with before you make the deal with them. If a negotiation goes sour because you got into a deal with someone who was unethical or dishonest, you should say:

ü “I screwed up. I didn’t investigate enough.”

ü “I saw some signs and ignored them.”

Failing to find out enough about the person with whom you’re negotiating is the most common mistake people make in the preparation phase of a negotiation. In fact, people repeat that oversight every day all across the country when making the largest purchase of their lives: the purchase of their family home.

Happy Negotiating,

Michael

Don’t forget to check out www.fearlessnegotiating.com for additional negotiating resources.

Focusing on the Negotiator’s Interests

Michael Donaldson — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 18:14:48 +0000

When I talk about interests, I don’t mean things such as baseball (not that it’s a bad interest and can’t make a difference in a negotiating session once in a while). I’m talking about the person’s negotiating interests. You want to know what that person is interested in getting out of the negotiation. It’s almost always more than money. (If you’re buying a used car from an individual, money may be the only consideration, but that’s about the only time it is.) I can’t think of a negotiation of any importance that does not have issues other than money attached to it, and often these issues are more important than money, especially to the person across the table or to that person’s main client.

You also need to be alert to the possibility that the interests of the person whom you’re negotiating with and the person whom he has to please are a bit different. The person you’re negotiating with may receive his bonus based on some cost-saving formula. His boss may be focused on timely delivery. Be sure you find out all you can about the boss/client so you meet the needs of both the negotiator and his client.

Happy Negotiating,

Michael

Don’t forget to check out www.fearlessnegotiating.com for additional negotiating resources.